Demi 4M The Light was so bright

The light was so bright as it shone brightly blinding me. How was I meant to see the outside world? This was tragic! This was urgent I need to visit my best friend Eric the assassin telitubby . After he went to war he blew up a AK47 gun in someone’s  hand as his gut split into millions of pieces. What can I do for you? Help me I can’t see! Ok I have some methods on how to un-blind someone. Thanks dude you’re a lifesaver

2 thoughts on “Demi 4M The Light was so bright

  1. Hi Demi
    I like your opening sentence and then your rhetorical question. It makes your character sound frustrated and in a hurry. You also describe the incident during the war well although it was quite gory! I think you got a bit confused at the end – try to use some speech marks when the two friends talk to each other.
    Mrs Fine 100WC Team

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