Rimsha & Lisa Year 4 the rusty gate creaked

As I crept on the gloomy road, I finally met my destination. The rusty gate creaked opened. When I went in the haunted house, I saw something. Something white, pale and weird. It was a ghost. “Hello” said the ghost. I couldn’t say anything. As fast as lightning, I sprinted upstairs. But, I got covered in cobwebs. “Ewwwwww” I moaned. That was a bad thing because I woke up the other ghosts. “Ahhhhhhhhhhhh” I screamed. Then I started panicking. Quickly, I stared running out of the haunted house. Then I ran all the way home. I woke up and it was all a dream.

5 thoughts on “Rimsha & Lisa Year 4 the rusty gate creaked

  1. Rimsha and Lisa,

    Wow – what a lot of comments, how exciting. I liked your idea, it’s unusual to have a ghost story for 100wc.
    Personally, I think your ending could have been stronger – it was all a dream is an easy and quick way to end a story – try and think of something stronger and more exciting next time. Also, I don’t think the ghost needed to talk at all!
    I loved the fast as lightning line and how they got covered in cobwebs though.

    Well done!
    Andrew
    Team 100wc

  2. Hi Rimsha
    Great story! I really like your idea and I am so glad that it was a dream!I would have been terrified!
    From Kate

  3. Hi Rimsha and Lisa
    I am so glad your adventure turned out to be a dream, as I would hate to wake up so many ghosts! I particularly like 2 sentences in your piece – the short sentence ‘I saw something.’ followed immediately by ‘Something white, pale and weird.’ This is powerful writing and the style is interesting to read. Keep entering the 100 word challenge!
    From Mrs Fine

  4. Wow! adverb, commas in lists, adjectives, speech marks, causal connectives as well as full stops and capital letters. It has it all. Well done girls. One question; where should you put a comma in your speech punctuation?

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