Zoe Year 4 My heart was beating

As I woke up from my cosy bed, I saw a mysterious portal churning round dark colours like a mixed berry slushie in the machine. My heart was beating incredibly fast as a serpent’s hiss struck my ears. I knew I had to get out of here… fast. I rapidly turned the door knob but it was stuck. Doomed. I wasn’t going to hang around waiting to be sucked up into (what seemed like) the Devil’s mouth so my only choice was to jump out the double-glazed window. When I hit it with a jewellery holder I realised it was like see-through steel…

2 thoughts on “Zoe Year 4 My heart was beating

  1. Hi Zoe, great piece for the 100wc well done. You used vivid description and built up a good sense of excitement. Your varied sentence starts and lengths made this an excellent piece. Keep up the fab writing.

  2. Hi Zoe
    Thanks for entering the 100 word challenge this week. I think you have chosen lots of interesting vocabulary to describe your setting and your character’s feelings, which make the narrative so interesting to read. I also really like your mixture of short (Doomed.) and long sentences which add a sense of urgency and tension to your piece. Well done.
    Mrs Fine

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *